Tongan Duck

There were three men, all tongans but the diff. was is tha 2 were 18, born and raised in nz as vegeterians and the other was a refugee who loves to eat pork and ducks.


They all wanted to be soldiers so one day they went the this army reserve. They were tested for their knowledge about army situations and they got tested individually.

First up it was the 18yr old guy no.1. The trainer says,

'when u hear me say something to do, u immediately do it, do u understand???!!!'

Guy no.1: 'sir yes sir'

trainer: 'run across from left to right and aim your gun directly at the traget'

trainer: 'DUCK'

and so guy no.1 ducks.

he passes and is now a soldier.



guy no.2 takes the test and he does exactly the same as guy.no1.

so he passes and is now a soldier.



then the refugee is up for the test.

trainer: 'when i tell u somethin to do then u immediately do it, u understand???!!! '

refugee: ' Io '

trainer: ' ok, run across to the nearest safe stand and aim your gun at the target.

refugee does this perfectly.

trainer yells: ' DUCK!!! '

refugee: ' KO FE IA ??? '

Speaker in Samoan

There was an elementary school teacher. She called on the Samoan kid, the Palagi kid, and the Meauli kid. The teacher asked first to the Palagi kid to make a sentence with the word “speaker”, and the Palagi goes “I have stereo with two big speakers at home.” When he finished, he sat down and the teacher goes “Very good.”




The teacher then asks the Meauli kid to make a sentence with the word “speaker” in it. The Meauli kid goes ”My dad is the speaker of the house of representatives.” The teacher goes “Very good, and what about you Kama Samoa?”



The Samoan boy stood up with pride knowing he’s all that, and goes, “My modders ‘oga isssssbiggaaah.” (Get it? He said is bigger instead of speaker!)



(Submitted via email by “sah”)

Samoans On Da Roof

Q) What do you call two Samoans on a roof?

A) Solé Power.

(Submitted via email by “Asinate”)

Q) What do you call ten Samoans on a roof?
A) Solé System.

(Submitted via email by “Nukuna”)

Q) What do you call any more Samoans on a roof?
A) Nothing, but you’d better call the the roof guy to come and fix your house.

Samoan Tel

A utility company offered a contract bid for whomever could plant 50 poles in the ground the fastest. Four groups of men, 12 in each group that were divided by ethnic races, were interested.




The first group was da Haoles who did the job in 4 hours. The Japanese was next with 6 hours. Then the Filipinos next with 8 hours.



22 hours had passed when the Samoans finally checked back in. When the utility company asked them why it took them so long, they replied, “The other guys never do a good job. All their poles still sticking out of the ground.”



(Submitted via email by “Kelii”)

Samoan Scent

Once there was an old Samoan lady that stepped into an elevator and on her way down, it stopped and a rich Chinese lady stepped in. Then, two floors later, a rich white lady stepped in. As they were going down, the Chinese lady notices the perfume that the white lady was wearing and says to her, “Mine is Mystiq, $250 an ounce.” The white lady looked over and said “Prolong, $375 an ounce.” As the elevator came to a stop the old Samoan lady bent over, farted and said “Corn Beef, 48¢ an ounce!”


(Submitted via email by “Stephen”)

Samoan Parking 2

There was a haole guy riding around a parking lot trying to find a spot. He noticed one in the compact section. As he was pulling around he noticed a van pulling into the spot. He yelled out of the car and said “hey, that spot is for compact cars only” the Samoan guy said “I know, I going in da stoa fas kine and I going com pac.”


Get it? Come back!

(Submitted via email by “Tina”)

Samoan Math

Q) Did you hear about the Samoan mathematician?
A) His name is “Tua tua igua foa”.

(Submitted via email by “not Mike”)

Samoan Parking

There was once a Samoan family who went to the store to do some grocery shopping. When they got to the store, the parking lot was full so da fathah say ” Honey, you get off and do the shopping and I wait for her in the van with da kids, ogay!” So the mama went in and the fathah was still looking for a parking, but still the lot was full. So the fathah went and parked in the fire lane and then he go to get a stick from the back of the van. Da kids say “Fathah you krazy, what you doin’ with da stick and da matches?” Then da fathah say, “I’m gonna do da fire dance right here so dat da police no tow oua car away.” (Get it Firedance in da Fire lane)


(Submitted via email by “yo mama”)

Somoan Bar

There was a Samoan man, a English man and a Maori man having a few beers in a Bar when this pretty chick walks in.


“If any of you guys can put liver and cheese in a sentence, I’ll be yours forever”.

So the Maori man quickly say “I hate liver and cheese”
The chick says “sorry any one can say that”
Then the English man says “I love liver and cheese”
The chick says “any one can say that as well”
Then the Samoan man says “hey you fella’s liver alone, cheese mine”

(Submitted via email by “Dan Da Man”)

Robbed By a Fob

Q) How do you know when a FOBer has robbed your house?




A) When all the Sandals are missing.



(Submitted via email by “Julianna”)